This is really hard for me to admit, but I had a huge slip up today on the healthy eating front. As I mentioned in my last post, I came to Minneapolis today for work and will be here for 3 nights. I waited too long to book my flight for a number of reasons, and ended up on a really crappy flight with TWO layovers. The first flight left DCA at 6am and went into Chicago, the second flight from Chicago to Milwaukee (15 minute flight!) and the third flight was from Milwaukee to Minneapolis. The third leg of the flight ended up being delayed about an hour, but I finally made it and am here at the hotel.

I always thought that when I lost the weight, I would finally “get it” and the healthy lifestyle would just click and I wouldn’t have to try so hard. When I started Weight Watchers, and they explained it was a lifestyle change and not a diet, I accepted that the changes I was making would be for life and because I was loving the results, I was OK with it. Now, I go back and forth between accepting that counting points and trying is something I’ll have to do for the rest of my life, and resenting it, depending on the day.

I remember when I walked into the first Weight Watchers meeting in March 2009 (not my first one, but the first meeting since I really changed my life) and seeing this girl who I didn’t think belonged. I remember thinking to myself “What is she doing here?” and then overheard her say to someone else that she had hit goal weight that day. Someone asked her how long it had taken her and she said “A long time… 2 years. 44 pounds.” As much of a jerk as this makes me, I was like “2 years!? No way will it take me that long!” and sort of felt a sense of pride as to how quickly I knew the weight would come off me. Now, 1.5 years later and still not at my goal, I wish I could take that sentiment back even though I didn’t say anything out loud. Everyone goes through their own journey at their own pace and has their own life to get in the way during the trip.

Now where was I going with all this? Sometimes, I just say “Screw it” in my head, and stop caring. I eat bad stuff and too much of it, and trick myself into thinking its OK and that I don’t really give a shit about it. That happened this morning. I was cranky from having to wake up at 4:30am, my cab was late getting to my apartment, and just the fact that I had to take 3 flights to get to one place. I started off with good intentions at DCA and got steel cut oats from Potbelly’s with a little bit of brown sugar and raisins. I also got a huge bottle of water, and then slept for the two hours on the plane to Chicago. I was hungry when I woke up so I decided to get something else to eat but wasn’t sure what I wanted… I went to McDonald’s and to a few other places and circled around a few times and then finally got an everything bagel with egg, no cheese, and ate the whole thing so fast. Not that a bagel with egg is bad, but it was breakfast #2 and I wasn’t really that hungry. Then, at the Milwaukee airport, my flight got delayed and I was really frustrated so I went to get a snack even though I was NOT hungry (only a 15 minute flight from Chicago to Milwaukee). I ended up getting a bag of Jalapeno Cheddar chex mix, also not THAT bad, but was planning on only having 1 serving or half the bag (just under 2 servings) and putting the rest away. Before I knew it, I had eaten the entire bag. Then, I slept on the plane from Milwaukee to Minneapolis and decided to get a coffee when I landed. I passed by a Starbucks and ordered a Venti Skinny Caramel Latte, and then the guy asked me if I wanted something to eat and I picked up dark chocolate graham crackers and ate them so quickly that they were gone before my drink was even finished being made.

So, I know that might not seem that bad, but it was just out of control eating and unnecessary. I really want to get to my goal weight soon since I’ve been doing this for so long, and I recommitted myself to being good and counting points, and then I go off and do this. The bag of Chex Mix alone was 420 calories, the latte 160 calories, the 300 calories in the chocolate covered grahams, 230 calories in the oats, and then probably 350 for the bagel with egg. So that totals 1460 calories, or as much as I should have in a whole day. My stomach hurt after eating all that and I wasn’t even satisfied.

It’s hard to admit how much I still struggle sometimes. Some days are easy and I don’t even have to try that hard to make decisions, but some days are like today. Rather than letting the spiral continue downward, I got my act together as soon as I made it to the hotel. They put me in a room originally that smelled a little weird when I walked in, and then I saw this paper on the bed that said that my back door lead to the “Backyard” which is an outdoor pool/bar and that it could get loud at night, so to request if I wanted a room change. I have to wake up super early for the course, so loud nights aren’t really an option. I asked the front desk to move me to a room near the gym if possible, so I’d have no excuse not to go. They ended up putting me in the room right next to the gym, and this room smells a lot better, is a lot bigger, and has a fridge and a microwave.

I went to the gym almost immediately and got a great workout in:

  • 12 minute warm up on the bike
  • 30 minutes walking on an incline on the treadmill, first at 4.0 mph and a level 12 incline for 15 minutes, then 4.2 mph at a level 15 incline for the second half
  • 100 jumping jacks
  • Ran 1 mile at 6.5 mph (9:13 pace)

The bike told me I burned 97 calories, and the treadmill 470 during the walk (it was intense!) and then 170 during the run. I know those numbers are super inflated, but it felt good to see big numbers in any case.

Tonight, I have to check in to the room where my course will be tomorrow around 6 tonight and make sure everything is good to go for tomorrow, and then I’m planning on going to the Mall of America to get dinner and possibly do a little low key shopping. I’ve never been to the Mall of America before and i’ve heard there are 2 full sized roller coasters inside! I’m not much of a rollercoaster person (besides on my weight loss journey.. ;)) but I’m just excited to see them!

Do you struggle with being healthy, or is it just natural for you? How do you bounce back?

0 comment on Struggling

  1. Sarah
    July 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm (10 years ago)

    I feel your pain and your struggle. It’s a constant mind battle not to turn to food in bad or good situations. When I did WW I thought I got my eating issues under control but now I struggle with not eating enough then random binges on food I deprive myself of. Then I work my ass off at the gym and the cycle begins again. Personally I’ve found that I don’t know if I will ever be able to do the whole moderation. I’m better just avoiding my trigger foods. I think that being healthy is understanding what works best for you and being happy with that lifestyle. I’m sorry that you had such a struggle today 🙁 Traveling is always tough. I try to always thank my body for everything it does and sometimes I’m able to stop a binge (or any emotional eating experience) by trying to remind myself how I’ll feel after I eat.

    Goood luck with everything. And don’t beat yourself up (even though it gets really hard not to) because life happens. And the fact that you recognize that you struggle with “healthy” living is a huge step!!

  2. Lauren
    July 14, 2010 at 5:38 pm (10 years ago)

    I know exactly how you feel.

    The past few days I’ve been the exact same way, even though I’ve worked so hard to make a healthy lifestyle a habit.

    It’s been over 2 years and it’s still a daily struggle.

  3. sarah
    July 14, 2010 at 5:39 pm (10 years ago)

    OMG girl your post could not have come at a better time for me personally! I have really been struggling lately and I’m only in the beginning phases of my WLJ and have been stuck for a little while. Reading blogs like yours is extremely helpful, sometimes I wonder if the bloggers ever struggle the way I do! You opening up about your struggle puts things a little bit more in perspective for me. Thanks again for your wonderful post!

  4. Amy @ Second City Randomness
    July 14, 2010 at 5:44 pm (10 years ago)

    It is a struggle- it’s always something you have to be constantly mindful of. I’m actually addressing my sweet tooth issue in tomorrow’s post- because seriously, I’ve had more than my share of days of standing in the pantry and just eating- not sure what I want and not feeling satisfied even if I’m full.

    Fatigue and traveling make this hard. We all have those days or phases of missteps. But you do such a great job. And it will get naturally easy in time- I promise!

  5. Gwen
    July 14, 2010 at 5:46 pm (10 years ago)

    Make room for another on your rollercoaster my friend! I’m certainly right there with you. I do fully accept that I will have to count points for the rest of my life. I can honestly say that part doesn’t bother me. I kind of like tracking what I eat. And I know that the alternative is MUCH less attractive. But I struggle – OH how I struggle. When I was just 25 pounds-ish above my goal weight, I couldn’t get to goal fast enough. SO CLOSE (within 25 pounds is pretty close when I’d already lost 135!). Now I am almost 60 pounds above my goal weight and I struggle with the knowledge that I let myself get back to this point.

    You do clearly have a healthy lifestyle – you seem to have totally incorporated it into your life. But we all have moments. Sometimes, moments are fleeting and sometimes they last for a few months (cough, cough.). But you have to keep focusing on the fact that it isn’t AS BAD as it would have been in the past.

    Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit. I have still lost over 90 pounds, but I walk around in near-shame because I’m not at 130 down anymore. RIDICULOUS!

    We will always rebound – like you did today! Because even if every day isn’t healthy and clean, the majority are filled with good decisions. Keep it up!

  6. Katie
    July 14, 2010 at 5:46 pm (10 years ago)

    As a WW member who has lost 50 pounds and is at goal (it took me over a year too)..I still struggle with making good choices. I don’t think it will ever get easy because healthy and intuitive eating obviously wasn’t ingrained in us seeing as we had to join WW. I know that the days when I eat bad are not the norm (as they were pre-WW) and that sometimes I just need them. In the long run, this one day will not make a big difference, especially since you snapped back so quickly (you didn’t make a bad day be a bad week). Don’t be so hard on yourself and be patient with your body. You are doing fabulous and you look amazing. Stay strong and persevere.

  7. hundredtenpounds
    July 14, 2010 at 5:52 pm (10 years ago)

    It takes time. I have off days just like everyone else but it DOES get easier with time. I’ve gotten so used to my routine that I don’t even think about it anymore. To lose weight and keep it off, my calories are very strict. I barter in my head whether or not I will eat or drink something and weigh the options (pardon the pun). Sometimes it comes down to “is eating this bagel worth running extra long today?”…

  8. Ivie
    July 14, 2010 at 5:54 pm (10 years ago)

    We all feel that way, I am sure. But you are doing an amazing job and got back on that wagon before the day was even over – congrats!

  9. Melissa
    July 14, 2010 at 6:05 pm (10 years ago)

    I know exactly how you feel. There are certain things that just set me off track and traveling is definitely one of them. It’s like when you are out of your environment nothing counts, right? But getting a workout in after all that is awesome, and is proof that you HAVE changed. I know that before WW I wouldn’t even think twice after eating way too much food, and for sure wouldn’t want to work out.

    Remember that no one is perfect, slip ups happen and in the long run make us stronger.

    Enjoy the rest of your trip!

  10. Midgetkeeper
    July 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m sorry about your day. It,s awesome that you were able to put it behind you and continue on your journey. You’re fitness accomplishments so far are AMAZING and so inspiring.

    There are days that Are really hard for me, especially when the scale doesn’t move for weeks. A lifestyle change still requires a choice everyday and sometimes it’s easy to forget that.

  11. Jaci
    July 14, 2010 at 7:12 pm (10 years ago)

    1. You are amazing.
    2. the sheer fact that you realized you went a little off track and changed it immediately by going to the gym is remarkable.
    3. everyone slips up- it happens- bottom line is that you were aware that you weren’t following the path that makes you happy and and you changed it. – if you keep yourself in check you will reach your goals. love you!

    July 14, 2010 at 7:22 pm (10 years ago)

    but i mean it proves you are only human, and it shows you that there are things you need to work on, or is guess issues non-food related whether its stress, your past, or in relationships or work that are affecting you. its so hard because u realize that the change is all up to you, and its even harder because you WANT that change so bad yet dont know when it will happen. the truth is that your slip ups are so much more important than your good days. cuz u cant learn from the good days and grow. the bad days let you focus ur attention on aspects in ur life that need attention.. like love, support, trust, appreciation etc. you are beautiful and you do the best that you can do- dont ever think you arent strong enough cuz strength has NOTHING to do with it.

    all my love,

  13. A Diggity
    July 14, 2010 at 9:18 pm (10 years ago)

    In my opinion you deserve/need a day to just let loose. You’ve given yourself a much clearer picture of the benefit/cost ratio going on with food and the emotional return. It tasted alright going in, making your travel a wee bit less terrible but the down dog dirty aftermath was hardly worth it., AND you’re still hungry!! (f that)

    BETH. BOTTOM LINE.–you’re a role model for us all.

    Kudos to you for confessing your “slip.”

  14. livetoeatrunforfun
    July 14, 2010 at 9:21 pm (10 years ago)

    You’re not alone, and don’t beat yourself up over this!
    This happens to me EVERY time I travel. I’m not saying its healthy- just that we’re human. There are so many factors at work when you are travelling and tired.
    1. lacking sleep causes your body to produce chemicals making you feel hungry and craving CARBS
    2. travelling is boring which also can make you eat

    But here’s the bottom line- you recognized that you were heading down the wrong path and corrected. Today will not make a blip on your journey because of this.

  15. A Diggity
    July 14, 2010 at 9:30 pm (10 years ago)

    sometimes (when i’m alone) i stand in my kitchen with the freezer door open and eat edy’s chocolate with brownie bits and chocolate swirl slow churned1/2 fat yogurt out of the carton because:

    A. it’s only yogurt not ice cream.
    B. 1/2 fat! (psshh..can I get a bigger spoon?)
    C. clearly there are no calories unless it is scooped into a bowl.
    D. if no one see’s you do it it never happened.

    My point..we all have a weakness. Your strength has empowered me to admit..I did the above about 5 minutes ago….

  16. Lori (Finding Radiance)
    July 14, 2010 at 9:44 pm (10 years ago)

    Yes – struggles happen because we aren’t robots. Particularly big losers, I think we can have issues with food that just never go away. Having to always think about what goes in your mouth is exhausting. Some days really are just better than others.

    As long as you string together more good days than bad – you’ll be okay 😀

  17. Jen, a priorfatgirl
    July 14, 2010 at 11:05 pm (10 years ago)

    Sounds like a rough day—those days will do it to ya. But, the good news is, is that you had enough fight in you to stop and reflect on your day. That proves that deep down, you are strong enough to do this.

    Can’t wait to meet you on Friday!

  18. greensandjeans
    July 15, 2010 at 12:12 am (10 years ago)

    I lost 20 pounds 3 years ago and I still have to plan my food mentally (or sometimes writing it down on paper) when I know I’m going to have a tight schedule. Tomorrow I have to be at work a few hours earlier than normal because the big boss man is coming into town, so I know I’m going to have to get up early to fit in my run, so tonight I made overnight oats that I can quick grab out of my fridge in the morning and I packed my lunch ahead of time too. When I’m short on time and on options is when I tend to grab the unhealthy choices!

  19. Becca
    July 15, 2010 at 7:04 am (10 years ago)

    I think the previous posters have covered it beautifully, but {{{big hugs}}} because I know just how you feel. I’m not 100% certain how WW in your country works, but in the UK we have a number of “free” foods and I’ve found nothing helps quite like buying those foods *every time I see them*. You fail to plan – you plan to fail, or one of those fab motivational quotes 😉

    I definitely have OSI (Oh Sod It, or Oh Screw It) moments, but you really have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. Your bravery and accountability by telling us all on the blog is astounding.

    I think an important thing is to remember that you are more than just your eating habits. People often talk about people being ruled by the scales, but you need to make sure that having a snacky day doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a success.

  20. Katie Photiadis
    July 15, 2010 at 8:17 am (10 years ago)


    Your blog post today touched me on so many levels. Like you, I thought that when I reached my goal weight, I’d suddenly naturally and EASILY want to live healthy, but that’s just not true. Everyone has slip ups now and again (it’s inevitable) and in your case you had some good reasons–delayed flights, eating from airports, etc…

    What you did afterwards shows how much progress you’ve made with WW and living a healthy lifestyle. Instead of continuing to eat junk for the rest of the night you went to the gym and got in a good workout!! That’s awesome and you should be proud of yourself.

    I found your blog right when I was starting my WLJ 4 months ago and it’s been such an inspiration for me. Thank you!!

  21. ActiveEggplant
    July 15, 2010 at 9:56 am (10 years ago)

    I think we all have days (or weeks!) like you just had. I think the most important thing to realize when we slip up is just that – a slip up. And all we can do is use it as another learning experience & motivation to get back on track with the next meal/next day/next week.
    I honestly don’t think it’s ever going to be easy for me – it’s a mental struggle every day to get in my workouts and eat healthy foods. But I’ve learned that beating myself up over a (few) slip ups does me no good at all. When beat myself up, I seem to stay in the rut longer. So I try to put my nose right back to the proverbial grind stone and keep plugging along as if the slip up never happened.

    Hope the rest of your trip goes well!

  22. andrea @ a cake for a wife.
    July 15, 2010 at 10:09 am (10 years ago)

    I still have those days too, even after almost two years of losing all my weight. For me it’s not the day itself that bothers me — it’s the idea that any ‘bad day’ can become a ‘bad week’ which can become a ‘bad month’ which can bring me right back to where I was. I’m not sure that’ll ever go away. I loved reading your thoughts on this.

    PS: Really glad I found your blog, from a comment on the Healthy Living Summit page. (I’m going too!)

  23. Stef
    July 15, 2010 at 10:22 am (10 years ago)

    Hey there,
    I agree with everybody above me 😉
    I have been doing WW for close to 2 years now and so far have lost 16kg which is really not a lot.
    Of course i do have bad days like you but those are quite rare for me and I still don’t lose and I think that is much more difficult to handle than knowing you did something wrong and learning from your mistakes as you have clearly done.
    I mean even though you ate when you were not hungry you left off the cheese on the Bagel and made nearly healthy choices. And after noticing what you had done you went to the gym (something that always makes me stop losing for whatever reason I cannot figure out). I think you’ve changed a lot even if I haven’t known you before. But I’d say your post sounds like a crappy day that you compensated in your unique way but still stayed healthy!
    Good luck with the rest of your journey and you will be able to do it!

  24. Liz @ lizrunsdc
    July 15, 2010 at 10:24 am (10 years ago)

    Some days everything comes naturally, and other days I want to buy a bag of potato chips and eat them all! As the other commenters said, I think most of us can relate to you.
    Stress from traveling makes it 100x harder to stay on track. But you did the exact right thing – you didn’t let it ruin the rest of your day/trip. Some people would use a few bad hours as an excuse to eat crappy the whole trip. Way to turn things around!! That workout hopefully made you feel much better 🙂

  25. Summer
    July 15, 2010 at 11:43 am (10 years ago)

    I totally know how you feel, girl. And as hard as it is for you to admit, it’s still reassuring for me to see people like you, who seem to have it all together, still have little slip ups. Not that I want you to slip up, but it reminds me that we’re all human, and no one can be perfect all the time!

  26. Molly
    July 15, 2010 at 12:14 pm (10 years ago)

    I love love love this post. There have been so many days where I’ve felt the exact same way. When I reached my goal I felt like it would be smooth sailing, but maintaing the weight loss was harder for me then actually losing the weight. Once I reached my goal I felt like my work was over and I could stop being so vigilant and things would take care of themselves….WRONG…It’s a constant stuggle but the good news is that you can always recommit and start fresh…MISS YOU xoxoxo

  27. Robyn
    July 15, 2010 at 2:36 pm (10 years ago)

    I couldn’t sympathize more with this post. Sometimes when I feel awful about what I’ve eaten, people say, well that wasn’t bad. But it’s not what you eat that always counts, sometimes it’s just the act of binging or eating when you’re not hungry or feeling out of control that is the part that feels the worst.

  28. Kathryn
    July 15, 2010 at 2:47 pm (10 years ago)

    I think it is incredibly hard to stay on track. I am a dietitian and I have done Weight Watchers for years. I started out as a teen, not needing to lose much weight but I went with my mom to meetings to help support her journey towards weight management. Ever since then I have been hooked.

    There are always periods of time where life gets in the way and I get off track but I always keep the basic fundamentals of WW in mind. I think the most important thing to remember is that falling off the wagon is going to happen. You need to have a good action plan in place to get back on and keep going.

    I always ask patients to set goals, talk about how they will reach them but to also form a plan of attack when that plan doesn’t happen (ex: skipping a workout or not journaling). That way they already know how to get back on the wagon and keep going.

    Thanks for being so honest on your blog! It is always nice to see someone support and help others on their personal journey’s to thin!

  29. Corinne
    July 15, 2010 at 4:17 pm (10 years ago)

    focus more on the fact you REALIZED what you did “wrong” and you took action right away! because that to me is commendable. the old me would say i already said “f it” today so i might as well just not work out and eat a big dinner…and that only just perpetuates the roller coaster. you ended your day on a positive note with a work out and tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day!

    for me i also know its important to realize why our slip ups happen. you were irritated and tired from traveling. besides food, what else will calm your nerves? i think you answered this when you chose to work out at the hotel 🙂 wheni get bored/anxious sometimes i just go sit down and read or leave work and walk. anything, something to move and/or relax and get my mind off the junk.

    good luck dear.
    YOU are amazing! 🙂 keep it up.

  30. Kelli ( I'm always a work in progress)
    July 15, 2010 at 10:02 pm (10 years ago)

    I needed to see this post today. I so can relate. This has been me the last month. I have a poor attitude and just want to give up. It is so important not to beat yourself up over the little things. Good for you for going to the gym. You have to stand up, brush yourself off, and move on. You are so inspiring! You can do it!


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