When someone asks me to join them in doing something or going somewhere, I have always had a really hard time saying no. It’s especially difficult for me when it’s something that I actually want to do, but by saying yes I’m either spreading myself too thin or not making enough time for me. Whenever I’ve talked with people in my life about this little problem, it actually surprises many of them. I’m pretty outspoken and often stand up for myself in the face of controversy, so why should it be difficult to recognize when I’m overextending myself?
Even sitting here typing this right now, I cringe a little when I think about letting someone down by saying I can’t do something. I think a lot of this stems from the deep-rooted insecurities that are a result of being obese for so long, which I am still working through. Being heavy made me extremely fearful of rejection, because I assumed everyone would automatically reject me because of my weight. The last thing on Earth I wanted to do was actually give them another reason to reject me on top of my weight, so I’d just do or say whatever they wanted without giving much thought or consideration to what I wanted.
I still worry a little too much about what other people think, but I’m trying to get better about it and recognize when I’m doing it. When I started to turn my life around, one of the big things I had to tackle was being able to say no to other people so I could make more time for me. I don’t want this to come out wrong – I’m not at all saying that going along with what others want is always a bad thing, because sometimes that’s what being a good friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister etc. is about. However, there is definitely a line you can cross when you’re saying yes to others and no to yourself too much, and for most of my life I’ve been over that line.
But the truth is, sometimes you just have to say no.
If you could tell from the beginning of yesterday’s post (subtle, I know) – this week is a little on the stressful side for me. Work has been crazy – I’m talking nonstop to the point where I didn’t eat lunch until almost 3pm yesterday because I didn’t have time to stop and grab my lunch out of the refrigerator. I have a bunch of obligations after work this week as well, including working for Weight Watchers tonight, a going away party for my boss tomorrow, and then leaving early Thursday to go to Philly for Easter.
The one night I had the option of getting out of was last night, when it was a close friend from work’s husband’s birthday happy hour (say that ten times fast). I really wanted to go, but the happy hour was in the opposite direction of home and I knew I’d be out later than I wanted and far from home with one too many drinks in me when I was done. I had already told her I would go, but then yesterday as I was zipping through my day, I realized I needed to tell her I couldn’t make it and just take the night off.
While that might not seem like a big deal for some, I honestly felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I told her I couldn’t go and then realized I had a free night. And you know what I did instead? Stopped for a pedicure on the way home! Best decision of the day.
Do you have trouble saying no to people or are you generally pretty good about making time for you?