By the time you read this, I’m already under way with my plastic surgery since the procedure started at 7:30am today. The surgery is supposed to last for about 4.5 hours, so I should be out of surgery around noon. I’ll stay at the surgical center just until I am stabilized, so will hopefully be getting back to my apartment around 2pm or so.
To be honest, yesterday was a much more emotional day than I was anticipating. I’ve been so incredibly busy in the time leading up to the surgery that I haven’t had too much time to focus on just how big of a deal this surgery is. I’ve stayed pretty calm, cool and collected and had been feeling more impatient and ready than anything, until yesterday. I had a brief breakdown in the late afternoon and realized just how much my nerves were built up.
I am changing the biggest thing that has plagued me and put a huge blanket of insecurity over the person I have become.
The things that are causing me the most anxiety surround the procedure are:
- That something will go wrong during the procedure
- That coming out of anesthesia will be rough.
- The pain during recovery
- The scar I’ll be left with from hip to hip
- Having to deal with the surgical drains during recovery
- Not being able to do things for myself
- The fatigue and run down feeling I know I’ll be dealing with for weeks
- The swelling
- Not recognizing myself in the mirror
- That I’ll be unhappy with the results
But then I have to remember why I’m doing this. I’ve worked so hard to get myself from where I was to where I am now, and I know that I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin. The things I’m most looking forward to in the after:
- not feeling like I’m hiding something under my clothes
- buying lingerie and not have to pick it out based solely on how well it will keep everything contained
- actually FEELING sexy
- not being scared to change in a room of my girlfriends
- feeling more confident with my shirt off
- not having to wear spanx to suck it all in under dresses and other clothes
- being less afraid of form fitting clothes
- not having to pull up my underwear constantly
- having less anxiety if i move in a way that makes my shirt accidentally come up
- having less stretch marks on my stomach
- feeling like working out will actually produce results, instead of having them hidden under extra skin and fat
- feeling like my body finally matches how i feel on the inside
- feeling more confident in myself and my body
And I think those afters will definitely outweigh the inevitably shitty recovery I am going to have to go through to get there. I’ll check back in as soon as I can to let you know how everything went during the procedure and how recovery is going. Feel free to check out my facebook page and twitter because I’ll probably say something quick there before writing a full post here. Thank you so much for all the well wishes.
See you on the flat side!