Since sometime towards September/October of 2011, I’ve been struggling with my weight, which I’ve mentioned on here quite a few times. As a Weight Watcher employee, you are required to submit your weight once a month, and I somehow managed to sneak by a couple months without doing so, and then it was the holidays, and then I got in unofficial trouble from Weight Watchers for not adhering to their guidelines. It was much less that I gained weight that was getting me in trouble, and much more that I was pretending I didn’t and not doing anything to fix the situation.
Well, since then, 5 pounds turned into 6 pounds turned into 10 pounds turned into…
16.8 pounds that I have to lose to get back to goal.
16.8 pounds. I’ll let you soak that in for a minute.
Now this is scary for quite a few reasons:
1.) It proves just how easy it is to justify weight (re)gain for me. I remember back when it was just a few pounds convincing myself that I could take care of it so easily that it wasn’t even worth focusing on. Well those few pounds have doubled and quadrupled, and now I find myself in place I never wanted to be again.
2.) I haven’t been THAT bad. Seriously. I’ve definitely been more lenient in the last several months than I was when I was losing weight, but I still packed my lunch and brought it to work almost every single day, ate a ton of fruits and veggies, drank my water, etc. I’d have a few splurge nights during the course of the week, but it wasn’t like I was eating out of control every day. That’s scary because I can’t even imagine where I’d be if I was paying no attention at all.
3.) I’ve been exercising quite a bit! Last week I worked out 5 times, this week I’m set to work out 4, and I just ran my third half marathon last month and PRed! This goes to show me what I already know about myself… the focus of weight loss for me has to be mainly on the food. I can’t make excuses for what I eat constantly because I am working out.
4.) I’m back to where I was when I restarted Weight Watchers in Dec 2010. Perhaps the most troubling part of it all.
I was supposed to be submitting my weight weekly since I got into unofficial trouble, but as I posted on my Attune Foods Blog, the pressure from wanting to lose the weight, combined with the pressure of having to do so for my job as a Leader was backfiring. Instead of facing the music, I tried to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t as bad as it was.
That was, until yesterday.
I had an official “Weight Conference” with my boss at Weight Watchers. Now let me emphasize… Weight Watchers has been EXTREMELY supportive in my efforts to get back to goal. My boss has asked me again and again what she can do to help and support me. It has been my own fault for not taking advantage of the resources at my fingertips and ignoring the problem.
After dreading this meeting with my boss, I walked out of it feeling refreshed, renewed, and refocused.
I am ready to do this. Again.
My new plan of attack:
1.) Weigh in on Tuesday morning EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I run a Tuesday morning meeting at the WW center, so this means I will have no excuse not to weigh in. Before, I was weighing in on Thursday or Friday (when I did), and I would artificially lower my weight by running beforehand, so I was always working to get back to my post-run weight and it just was not working. I’m hoping that weighing in earlier in the week will help me be a bit more focused during the weekend.
2.) Post my weigh in results on here, as well as weekly/monthly goals, as needed. I need the accountability,
3.) Track everything, even if it isn’t pretty. I started this on Tuesday, which included a night out for dinner/drinks and a 15 PointPlus cupcake. It was worth it, though, and I still have 32 extra PointsPlus (beyond my dailies) and whatever else I earn for activity this week.
4.) Step down from Leading meetings (temporarily) if I haven’t made any progress one month from now. If I haven’t lost a little weight, I know I need to take some time to focus on myself. This is a personal decision, not a WW decision. My WW boss is heavily discouraging me from doing this, but I know myself and my needs best.
5.) Forgive myself. Perhaps the biggest part of it all. Rather than being hard on myself, I need to just accept that I am where I am right now. It doesn’t define me or make me a bad person, it’s just what it is. A number on the scale. It happens.