Moderation is, and always has been, one of the hardest things for me. I have trouble just getting my head around it, much less putting it into practice. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I am very much an all or nothing kind of person in many areas of my life. I’ve read several stories about other people’s journeys where they say they learned to listen to their bodies, stop when they are full, and enjoy treats in moderation.
That is just not me and to be honest, I’m getting to the point where I think it may never be me.
I struggle with having just one of anything.
Just one piece of chocolate.
Just one french fry.
Just one piece of pizza.
Just one drink.
If I have just one piece of candy from the jar at the front of the office, I find myself compulsively back at the candy jar, making unnecessary trips to walk by it until the candy is all gone. It’s easier for me to just say “No candy today,” rather than torturing myself by allowing “just one” and then having to spend the remainder of the day anxiously (and usually unsuccessfully) keeping myself away from the jar. I can’t just have a few until I feel satisfied because the problem is, I’m never satisfied until it’s gone.
Another example – if I’m out to dinner with someone and they leave just two or three fries, it actually makes me feel antsy seeing those few fries on the plate. How could they leave those there? There’s just three left! Just eat them. They become the focal part of my thoughts until the fries are consumed or the waitress has come to remove the plate.
Back at the beginning of my journey to get healthy, I kept thinking that I would get to a point where everything would just “click” and I wouldn’t have to try so hard. And here I am today, almost two years later, 80 pounds lighter, and while I can say that it’s a bit easier now than it was, it’s still definitely not easy.
A lot of people tell me that I don’t have to lose anymore weight by looking at me, but as anyone who has ever struggled with their weight knows, weight is a very personal thing. I know that I eat relatively well and live an active lifestyle, working out anywhere from 3 – 6 times a week quite consistently. That said, I am still technically overweight, and while I feel strong and athletic, I’d also still like to lose a few pounds to get to a healthy weight range. And trust me, I still have more weight to lose, even if I hide it well. The number of the scale is certainly not the most important thing, but it IS important to me to be at a healthy weight for my own well being after being on this journey to a healthier me for over two years.
I think its hard sometimes when you blog to show all sides of your life. Beth’s Journey is an edited version of me because I choose what to post on here. Don’t get me wrong – I try to be as honest as possible, show you both the highs and the lows, but at the same time I don’t take my camera out to videotape myself by the candy jar at the front of the office (luckily for both of us).
The point of this post is to say that making permanent changes is never easy, no matter how much weight you’ve lost or how many good habits you’ve established over the years. You have to keep making healthy decisions each and every day, and there will be days where it is a lot harder than others, no matter how far you’ve come.
What is your biggest struggle in your healthiness journey, no matter where you are on it?