I know you guys don’t come here for the pictures, but I lost my camera somewhere between work on Friday and Saturday morning and I’m so upset! The one place it MAY be is on my desk at work which I’ll check today, but otherwise it’s totally gone and I have no idea where. Sad story, and especially so because all I have is one blurry, crappy Blackberry photo to share with you today. Argh!
Saturday morning started out like any other for a long run – – a 5am wake up call and a bagel thin with peanut butter.
I didn’t end up eating the banana, but I also had an unpictured cup of coffee with So Delicious Coconut Creamer (YUM!). After getting myself together and out the door, I met up with the Capital Hill Running Club for my weekly long run at 6am. I had 16 on my schedule, but the group was doing 17.75 and I decided I would just run and see how it went, turning around early if I felt like it or going the whole distance if I felt great. The latter was not even a semi-option.
Now let me say, I’ve been really slacking on my long runs for the last couple weeks. Two weeks ago, I did 6 miles instead of 10 because I just couldn’t get the motivation to do the full 10, which would have been fine in the scheme of things. But then, last weekend, I didn’t run even once because I was moving and just didn’t wake up to my alarm to do it that Saturday.
Before this past Saturday, 14 miles had been my longest run to date, and seeing as the marathon is just 6 weeks away (!!!!!!) I really need to start amping up the mileage to make sure I’m adequately prepared come race day.
Anyway, I started off the run feeling just fine. The first 8 miles or so left me feeling pretty good, and I had a GU around mile 5.5, so my energy was steady. I decided to not push it for the full distance and turned around at the 8 mile mark, and that’s when things started going downhill.
I’m certain it was more mental than anything, but I had to fight for every step past the 10 mile mark. I stopped at the water stop along the way and it took every ounce of motivation to make myself leave the water station and keep running back to the start. I’m not sure exactly what it was, but it was torture.
I took SEVERAL walking breaks over the next two miles, which I know work well for some people, but for me, they just don’t. As soon as I stop to walk, I just want to keep walking rather than keep running, so I walk/ran for about 2 miles until I just realized I couldn’t go anymore. I ended up stopping at the last water stop and got a ride back to the start once all the other runners had passed.
The total distance ended up being 12.8 miles, and the total time 2 hours 16 minutes, which is about a 10:46 pace overall. That’s actually not bad at all for me since I ran/walked almost 3 miles at the end, and a lot of the miles were around or just under 10:00 pace for the first 10. Now I know, almost 13 miles is still a lot, but those extra miles really count during marathon training.
The run left me feeling SO discouraged and defeated, and like I might just not be cut out for a marathon after all. My body seems to do fine with the 13.1 mile distance, and then it is done running about then. I feel like I might just not have the mental stamina for the training right now since I have so much going on in my life, but I also feel so far into training and hate to fail at something I’ve set my mind to.
I’m trying to remain positive and keep it in perspective – – I still ran almost 13 miles, which is A LOT and something I never would have been able to do a few years ago. That said, I have two hugely busy weeks coming up with traveling for work, during the peek training runs for the marathon (16, 18, 20). I am very worried that I’m not going to be able to squeeze them time and energy wise.
I’m trying not to make any rash decisions, and I’m not giving up YET, because I am going to try to do 16 this coming weekend when I’m in Charlotte. If I can’t do it, then I think I might back down from the marathon. It’s hard for me to even write that out because it makes me so sad to even think it, but I might just not have it in me right now.
Have you ever had to back out of a race or away from something you started to work towards? How did you deal with it?
PS: Sorry for the Debbie Downer post today! I promise to be more uplifting later in the week… =)